PHANTOMS EYE UNCHARTED TERRITORY

After becoming just the second franchise to successfully go back-to-back as EFL champion, the Parlor City Phantoms stand on the verge of uncharted territory as the regular season approaches. Headline Sports grabbed Phantom owner Phaldun at the karaoke bar after watching him belt out a rendition of The Fugees “Ready or Not” and bribed him with a few preseason drinks to get the scoop.

Congrats on back-to-back titles…you had mentioned in the preseason that you thought this Phantom team was stronger, but did you really think you’d be able to get back on top?

“I thought the chances of me actually going through it all and winning the league championship again were low, even with the team being improved. There are tons of quality level players on the depth chart of so many teams that can match up well with mine. Big difference from last year, having a bye week in the playoffs and this year starting in the wildcard round.”

It was a bit of a crazy year for the Phantoms. You change quarterbacks midseason and then hit a rough skid late in the regular season that relegated Parlor City to wildcard status. Was there ever any second-guessing and thoughts about switching back to starting Knopp?

“No. Harry Knopp was pretty amazing his rookie year, as well as his second one last year helping his team win the Phantoms’ first title. As you put it, he was a touchdown scoring machine. The thing about Knopp is that he is a bomber. His tunnel vision and horrible accuracy are made worse by his low look off receiver number. This year his accuracy number kept dropping almost after every game. I noticed too many wild throws right to the other team’s defenders during important clutch moments. It was like he started getting tips from Andy Dalton or something. When I saw that Tony Strait had been released, I looked at his numbers. The two QBs are overall rated about the same, but Srait has better overall throwing numbers. The first few weeks I started him, he lit up the passing yards and touchdowns. We made the decision to keep Strait the starter simply because he would be more reliable in the playoffs.”

Last year as I recall, it was beer, good pot and *** as a celebration (perhaps not in that order). Make us all jealous and tell us how Title #2 was celebrated.

“The same exact thing.”

What were the Phantoms’ biggest off-season needs?

“Better depth in the O-line and defensive secondary. Trying to get rid of a few players with low discipline. Those penalty yards will add up. We didn’t have a draft pick until Round 2 though.”

Rumor has it that Parlor City has plans to uncork a new video board walk-out montage this season in honor of the back-to-back titles. Plans call for smoke to start rolling and billowing out in waves as the veteran members of the O-line and receivers make their way through, followed by the rest of the team in a huge wave. From there, the retractable roof will open to reveal large gold, silver and white fireworks as an expected crowd of 80,000 at Nether Realm Stadium are expected to go bonkers. Quite a change from three years ago when the Phantoms were the EFL’s worst team. In closing, Phaldun offered this assessment of the season ahead.

“I absolutely love the fact that our league is now full. It didn't change my off-season approach at all, however this also tells me that more team owners want a chunk of my ***…meaning that title ***. A full league, full of great owners. The Elite League shall live up to its title indeed. Twice is difficult. A third time is next to impossible. Instead of that, we will take it day to day, week to week. One game at a time. One win at a time. Worrying about the whole task is useless. Death is light as a feather; duty, heavy as a mountain.”

BLIND SQUIRRELS DON'T SEE THREE-PEAT

Coming off back-to-back championships and staring the opportunity for an unprecedented three-peat in the face, the last thing the rest of the EFL probably wanted to see the Parlor City Phantoms get to open the season is bulletin board material. Yet that's precisely what the Blind Squirrels are sending their way.

After crunching preseason math, the fuzzy little rodents (who screwed the pooch seeing the Phantoms win their second title last season as well...) surprisingly didn't even calculate the two-time champs to reach the post-season. What kind of crazy is that? Ponder that around your water coolers today!

So, if the squirrels don't see Parlor City reaching the playoffs, who DO they think will get there? Well, out of the Stars Conference the call was for Toronto, Maine, Salem and Tallahassee to win their respective divisions. On the Stripes Conference side, the call is for Glendora, California, Milwaukee and Charleston to finish on top after 16 weeks of struggle.

Anticipated wild card recipients are Rochester and Star City in the Stars and Coos Bay and Mt. Washington in the Stripes. To help drive your discussions, Star City hasn't been to the playoffs since the league's inaugural season. Mt. Washington's best season in the league was a 9-7 mark. The Coyotes have never played postseason football.

When all the dust settles at the end of the season, the anticipated championship game looks to be Tallahassee going against Glendora with the Talons celebrating the third title in franchise history.

The paranoia-based disclaimer...Remember, it's all done in fun. The math model was tweaked slightly for this season but still relies heavily on first-half preseason statistics, opponents' performance in the preseason and overall statistics, so if folks were playing backups early and often to gain experience, the math probably didn't like you. In the end I just feed the data and go with whatever it spits out.

So there you have it...get to talking!!

Excellent - now I guess there's nothing left to do but jump to next season! :-)

Lots of good teams on both sides of the EFL, should be a challenging season as there's lots of deserving teams that will be battling for the 12 coveted play-off spots.

Good luck everyone, hope to see you in the Finals!

The only thing left before this season begins............is how it is run currently and I would like to link the current EFL anthem not only to those that were already here, but to the new bloods to this real Elite League! When you listen to this track...........just remember...........when they say.................Welcome to _____________........ Please replace words like Atlanta..........with the word Elite!

There you go............Strap it up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StQRS8MLZMY

PHANTOMS WHOMP WAMPAS

Nether Realm Stadium was rocking as Parlor City hung a banner celebrating the team’s second EFL title and served notice that they have serious plans to defend that status. On the receiving end of that message was poor Aspen, which saw itself unceremoniously bounced by an 83-0 margin. Tony Strait threw for 449 yards and, get those record books ready for a search, a stellar 8 touchdowns, 3 of which went to David Mitzel. Defensively, the Phantoms held Aspen to just 2 first downs and 58 yards of offense. Elsewhere around the league on opening night:

Coyotes 22, Red Rocks 10…fueled by 5 Charles Gonzalez field goals, Mt. Washington scored the final 19 points of the contest, holding Coos Bay scoreless from the 9 minute mark of the second quarter onward to notch the win.
Geechee 31, Cobras 12…Edward Jackson was 21-for-24 with 3 TD’s as Charleston produced 500+ yards of offense in its season opener to win comfortably over the Cobras. Rancho Cucamonga kicked field goals on its first three possessions but found itself stymied thereafter.
Americans 20, Burn 10…Michael Love ran for a pair of 4-yard TD’s as Rochester doubled up Boise on the road for a 20-10 victory.
Golden Pterodactyls 22, Stampede 0…Roy Castro kicked 5 FG’s before Donald Trujillo’s 7 yard run late in the fourth quarter finally saw the offense reach the end zone for Star City. Meanwhile, the defense is everything they’ve come to expect in Star City, holding the Stampede to just 125 yards to earn the shutout.
Snappers 13, Tennessee 6…Louis Wilson’s 10-yard TD reception in the second quarter gave Natchitoches a 13-0 lead that the Snappers were able to defend from there on. Kenneth Goodwin’s 51-yard FG to open the fourth quarter pulled Tennessee to within a touchdown, but the team’s late drive to tie was turned away at the Snapper 24.
Event 27, Bandits 0…Steven Jimenez threw 3 second-quarter touchdowns to propel Maine out to a 27-0 halftime lead that was never threatened by Santa Fe. The Bandits’ offense made just one trip across midfield, and that trek ended prematurely via a lost fumble.
Crush 17, Wild 14…Canton’s William Mertens drilled a 50-yard field goal as time expired to lift the Crush past the Wild in the night’s most exciting contest. Milwaukee tied the game with less than 90 seconds remaining when John Richardson hit Mitchell Taylor for a 33-yard scoring strike, followed by Rocky Barnes’ 2-point conversion run.
Riptide 11, Assassins 6…Timothy Beltran kicked a trio of field goals, the last giving San Diego the lead for good before their defense added a fourth-quarter safety to give the contest a bizarre 11-6 final.
Bulldogs 26, Crusaders 20…David Sisk threw for a pair of first-half TD’s, then delivered an 89-yard dagger strike for Bennington as the Bulldogs topped California by a 26-20 count. Sisk’s long scoring toss to Frank Turner was the pair’s second hook-up of the night and lifted Bennington to a 20-6 lead. California pulled to within a score with 9 minutes and change remaining in the game, but a pair of Andre Obando field goals put Bennington back up by 13 until a late George Harrison TD reception.
Hefty Buffalo 13, Thunder 9…Kenneth Gonzales hit Scott Phillips for a 47-yard TD with three and a half minutes left in the contest to life Fort Drum to a low-scoring victory. A Tacoma Thunder set the Hefty Buffalo up near midfield for the decisive scoring drive.
Dragons 46, Bombers 12…After struggling to just 14 yards of offense in the first quarter, Glendora caught fire in a big way. The Dragons finished with 581 yards, including 428 off the arm of David Puddy, who threw 4 TD’s but also 3 interceptions in the contest. Matthew Marty with 165 yards receiving and 2 scores while John Claypoole had 116 yards and a TD on just 11 rushing attempts for the Dragons.
Islanders 26, Wallabies 10…Curtis Brown went 26-for-32 with 2 TD’s to lift Hawai’I over Perth in a contest where the Wallabies’ offense was largely MIA for the first three quarters. A pair of big plays leading to second quarter TD’s and timely forced fumbles held the secret to the Islanders’ success.
Talons 41, Spartans 7…the preseason call to win it all had things comfortably in hand for most of the night, dashing off the first 41 points before allowing Toronto a shutout-spoiling score with less than 5 minutes to play. James Herrin threw for 385 yards and 3 TD’s for Tallahassee.
Kings 19, Twisters 12…Bobby Wilson’s 60-yard TD reception early in the second quarter for Lyon proved to be both the night’s only touchdown and the eventual winning margin in the Kings’ 19-12 victory over the Twisters.
Witches 24, Marauders 3…Salem’s defense held Reno to just 121 yards of offense in a comfortable 24-3 win in Week 1. The Witches were in control from the outset, scoring touchdowns on two of their first three possession (and missing a field goal opportunity on the third). Franklin Ray had four runs of 10+ yards for Salem, despite not cracking the end zone.

GG California

GG Spartans, we had a good game on 3rd down to keep the chains moving and allow us to get some points on the board.
I'm sure you're going to get the boys rolling and into the groove pretty quick - lucky for us we got you early!

GG Coos Bay

Yeah, that was a good game, Perth. I’ve been very happy with our rookie QB so far. Hope he keeps it up.